Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
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