This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
