holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
