The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
