On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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