I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
