Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you traded sex for a burrito?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
