This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
