Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
