I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
