I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
