im having a threesome with these popsicles
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
