How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
