K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
