Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
