Your face is a jimmy john
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
