His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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