guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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