I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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