I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
