Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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