Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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