Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
