i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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