i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
