So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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