my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
