Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
