Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
