no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
