if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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