You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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