I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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