Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize