I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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