dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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