I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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