Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
