so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
