If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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