last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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