I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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