someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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