I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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