If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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