Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
