i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
