it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
