I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
