Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
