Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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