If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
