Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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