I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
