she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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