I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
