"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
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Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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