...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
