just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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