considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
