i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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