dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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