I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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