It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
