I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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