Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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