i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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