probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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