I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
