He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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