My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
