I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
