you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
