when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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