By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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