At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
