Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
