I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
