so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
