If you die in college, do you die in real life?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
