it was like his penis was on wheels.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
