yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
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