You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
