At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
