My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
